broken hand w/ mirror
in this world where
almost everything is beyond
your control and your
choices are limited to false
god, slave, impotent king
vote or don’t vote
shoot or don’t shoot and
either way
the starving continue to starve
grow old
then
die
eat handfuls of dust
send postcards back to
your loved ones, to
your enemies
let them see you
finally
for the empty threat you
always were
the refusal
shoot the doctor in the
back as he walks away then
tell him he’s a coward while he
dies at your feet
it’s an addiction,
like humor
it’s a punchline
you capture the soldier, a
boy of fifteen or sixteen, and
then you torture that fucker
until he’s on the floor in a
pool of his own shit and blood
this is how wars are won
make your children
understand this
tell them how much you hated
your own father,
how much he hated you
show them the scars
explain how they can only
grow up to
repeat your mistakes
blue skied surrender
you near an ocean
not my own
and what we have between us
is silence
choices are made
absences explained
you tell me not to tell you there was
never any hope
but what does it matter?
i have these pictures
and my faith in sunlight
the train tracks here
echo the curve of the river
men with the heads of carrion birds,
with fangs and claws,
live in the trailers up in the hills
money is power and
power is god
death is death, but there are
better and worse ways
to approach it
i choose running away
choose willful blindness
have only ever been brave
when there was nothing
valuable at stake
pythagorus, dismantled
and grey skies and
almost rain
no need to worry
no pain no
fear when the pills
take hold
woke up alone on
the living room floor
feel asleep with no
need for god
thought i had enough
money,
but the children
were gone
thought i had enough
food, but my hands
just kept bleeding
the bottle was empty
fought through the
past to reach this
moment and then found
out there was no
way back
a man hung of his
own free will
can never be a nation
darkness offers
no safety
boil up whatever
splintered bones
you can find and let
this last meal we
share be a feast
postcard to california
and you and i like
forgotten kings cutting wires,
like ghosts in empty fields
you and i staring
blindly into the sun
drowning, but slowly,
five years and then ten,
blood turned to amber,
empires to dust and
then you and i like
open flames
you and i like ashes
all of the years we will
spend growing cold
splendour
grow up fearing
men w/ answers
grow up fearing
growing old
reach the age at
which you are
no longer any use to
anyone
sit beneath the
dull yellow heat of
august skies and
consider suicide
consider sleep
the fear of dreams
of waking up
one day closer to
winter
of not
waking up at all
the obvious
you, still w/ the
taste of poison coating
your mouth
still w/ the need to write
these meaningless goddamn poems
about metaphorical deserts
so what if you’re lost or
if you’re never found?
so what if the middle is
worse than the end?
we’ll all be dead and
forgotten soon enough
into view
not blindness
but the sky gone dark
porch lights
bitter wind
in any story, you
are only the sound of
dead leaves down
sleeping streets
in any dream, i am
only the moment
of despair
you wake up
sweating and see with
absolute clarity how
all of our kingdoms
will fall
ex
just kill yrself a little,
maybe, just to see how it
feels, just to be able to still
step back out of that room
into pale april sunlight
just to have something to
talk about when your
lover starts to turn away
untitled, grey on grey
and you can feed your children
the poison or you can wait
for someone else to do it for you
and, beyond this, you
have no choices
beyond this,
your life is good
Beautiful post—words as well as pictures.
ReplyDeleteHi Becky,
ReplyDeleteThanks for dropping by. The pictures juxtaposed next to the poems create an odd sort of tension to me. Often I've found John's writing disturbing and his subject matter will border on the grotesque at times. Ok lets be honest, not border on it but jump into the mire of the grotesque, but yes, there's such an odd and painful beauty to the harshness of reality which he refuses to flower-up on the sly with overt poetic devices. I have yet to decide what to make of all his work that I've read, but his poetry resists my attempts to define it. I find it unique and refreshing if unrefined, undiluted may be another way to put it and yes, as you say, beautiful in some ways but also in other ways its a relentless beating of a dead drum.
Or, in other words there are many contradictions going on here, most especially between the words and the images so I find the pondering of them fascinating and worthwhile,
glad you enjoyed the post.
Click on post title to find John's collections, or copy and past in a search engine: http://www.lulu.com/bleedinghorse99
ReplyDelete